So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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