The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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