i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
