Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
