M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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