I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
