we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
