If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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