I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
