I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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