okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
