At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
