Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
