just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
