Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
