don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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