winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
