We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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