Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
