You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
