put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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