i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
