it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
