i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this just has baby written all over it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
