We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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