I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i now understand why vodka
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