remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
