I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
