I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
