That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
