i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
