That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
