i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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