absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
