Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
