Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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