How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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