someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
