p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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