I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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