At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
