if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
