He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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