I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
