worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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