Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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