why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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