Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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