I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
