I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
