id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
