I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
