If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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