Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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