Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
