yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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