just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Welp...herpes.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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