Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
