watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
