ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
